My jeans don’t fit but I have never been happier
I know you all think I have offically lost it! A woman who can’t fit into her jeans and she’s happy – there has to be something wrong?? Nope, just some realisations, sweat and lots of learning and tweaking.
As many of you know I started this journey in earnst in January. My diet and lack of exercise was starting to get to me, life was stressful as a single mum of 4 and my metal health was crumbling. My diet consisted mainly of sugar with breakfast eaten rarely, lunch mostly skipped but a decent dinner would be consumed most evenings with the kids but often followed with a cup of coffee and half a packet of biscuits. I was caught in a rut and food was my best friend and enemy all rolled into one. I was meant to be a role model to my kids. How was I going to preach to them about making better choice when I was a total hypocrite.
So in January I started and i was very lucky to have one of my best friends start with me, Ali or my partner in crime as she is better know. We hit the gym like 2 women at the first day of the sales and €10,000 in our pocket. We trained 5 days a week, left in a pool of sweat with the inability to walk or dry our hair the day after and suddenly eating more food in a day that in some previous weeks. To say it was overwhelming is an understatement. I was eating to the point where I thought I was going to be sick. I had chosen to do an online programe and so all my questions were answered by someone on the end of an email – I needed a little more human contact than that. It wasn’t for me, but sure here I go again, giving up. Sure that’s all I ever do!! but I decided no, i wasn’t giving up.
In the last 6 months there has been huge ups and downs. Weeks where i wanted to throw the towel in and days where I have wanted to vomit but guess what I haven’t.
As it said in my headline, I can’t fit into my jeans but I am happy and it is so true – why? you may ask! Because for the first time in my life I feel, I know I am totally in control and it is an unreal feeling. I met my trainer Robbie aka Dadbod to Fitbod just over 3 months ago through a friend, there was something about the way he wrote and explained things that I got, so I approached him and asked him would he train me to which I was thrilled when he said yes.
Why Robbie and what’s so different about him? When I started working with Robbie I knew I had big issues with food, especially at starving myself and at other times binging. If you take one thing from my post today please let it be this – Do not judge a book by its cover, people used to see me and say ‘oh you’ve a great figure’. No I didn’t, the outside may have looked all sparkly and shiny but underneath it all was a body and mind that needed help and I knew that if it did’nt get it I was heading for some serious trouble.
Robbie realised that really quickly, he never said I couldn’t do something instead would explain to my why he would like me to do it another way. He took the time to get to know me as a client. For some people getting fit and healthy requires a small bit of support and for others a lot. I am one of the ‘others’. Robbie encouraged me to reach out to him when I hit those lows and I wanted to binge or the days when I couldn’t motivate myself to train, he never ever made me feel like I was a burden, instead he knew exactly what to say, how to turn the bus around and send it in the right direction (he deserves a medal for this).
He has helped me learn properly why I gained so much weight when I first started training. He has a great explaination for this in his blog post The Dark Side of Dieting. How my body has had to adapt from going from roughly 1,000 calories a day to now being fuelled properly. To see real change in your body you have to fuel it properly. I’m not going to lie – I get a thrill out of seeing my body change, become stronger, grow muscle, especially when I know it is being done correctly. There is a saying “Abs are created in the kitchen” and its true and so get your nutrition right and training will be firstly easier and more productive.
Over the last few weeks we have adjusted my calories down each week until we reached a point where I have started losing. Initally when we started this the scales weren’t changing if anything they were going up and there was days when I was so pissed off and fed up but thanks to Robbies patience and questioning I realised that the odd bowl of rice krispies here, a handful of grapes there, the extra chocolate covered rice cakes adds up – I wasn’t being totally honest in my tracking. If I wanted this to work then I needed to be 100% honest with myself. When you understand its not about tracking calories, its about accountability, honesty and learning.
I can feel your eyes rolling – saying Jesus why is’nt she happy with the way she is, why is she trying to lose weight. I am over 10 1/2 stone (I Know I don’t look it but as I said earlier that is not the point, I am) and so the inital focus on my calorie intake is 3 fold.
- To help me understand how to balance each of my meals. I use My Fitness Pal to track all my food. If you really want to get an idea of what your diet is like, input everything in there for a week and you will see very quickly where you are at)
- To ensure I am eating enough Carbohydrates, Protein and Fats (also known as Macros) to fuel my training and muscle growth.
- To work out exactly at what calorie intake do I start to lose/maintain/gain which are all important for training.
While my jeans still don’t fit me, I now know they will. This journey has been one of the hardest I have endured but what growing/changing i have done in the last 6 months.
- I am learing how to fuel my body with proper nutritious food.
- I love chocolate and still have it in my diet. I work off an 80/20 rule which works. NO food is eliminated, any food can be eaten but once you understand you body needs a certain amount of fuel, you put in too much or the wrong kind there are consequences. That’s not bad luck, its science.
- I have more energy and ability to cope with stress so much more. My life is particlary stressful at the moment.
- I have learnt that I can do anything I put my mind to. I am now challenging myself so much more than I ever have before.
- I no longer abuse food or use it to medicate myself.
- I have learnt how to take control and that is the most empowering feeling.
- Exercise causes a reaction in my body and my soul that I cannot describe. For me it is one of, if not that biggest tool in my battle with depression.
- I have learnt to never give up on myself again.
- I have gone from surviving to living.
I am still very new on this journey but if the next 6 months are anything like the last 6 months then I cannot wait.